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Today's featured article – Rastadon

The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer.

The Rastadon was discovered on February 3, 2007, by one Dr. Professor Ima Walrus, who got his Ph.D. in Zoology at Gotham University, as well as Tom Freebird, who had a B.A. in Sociology, and a minor in Taylor Swift, from Michigan Tech. Their historic discovery was found fifty miles north of Rastos, Nebraska. To date, only one skeleton of a Rastadon has ever been found, where it is currently still in active use. After many tests, Dr. Professor Walrus and Mr. Freebird found that the Rastadon's turn-offs included tobacco cigarettes, uniforms, sirens, and corporate life. Whereas its turn-ons included: pistachio ice cream, herbal medicine, large hollow plastic figurines with pipes sticking out of them, and snack foods. (more...)

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Previously featured article – The Addams Family

The Addams Family is an American family best-known for producing an excessive number of U.S. Presidents. The Roosevelts are in a tie, but not in such short order; so too would be the Clintons, except for certain "deplorable" voters. The Kennedys showed comparable potential, except that various assassins showed more. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

May 20: Have a Vision of the Virgin Mary Day (South America and Spain), Bacon Appreciation Day (America)

200 - Bacon is invented in Turkey.
1492 - Christina Columbus, the illegitimate daughter of a mediocre sailor, discovers a new continent, only to have her father Christopher claim the discovery as his own.
1551 - For an entire year, people make lame jokes about anagrams and dying of syphilis.
1732 - Queen Victoria, the Virgin Queen, declares war on France. Again.
1874 - Pope Pius IX sees the Virgin Mary on a strip of delicious bacon.
1927 - Charles Lindbergh impresses two continents and wins a load of cash.
1932 - Popeye is introduced to extra virgin Olive Oyl.
1971 - Responding to the Soviet Union's announcement of the day before the BBC start legal proceedings for copyright violation, claiming Mars 2 is just a cheap knock off of Button Moon.
1988 - Night Court is cancelled. The suicide rate for shut-ins triples overnight.
1995 - Some guy finally translates De Bello Gallico.
1999 - Sophia Capicola directs the The Virgin Suicides to the delight of spaced out club kids everywhere.
2004 - McCaulay Caulkin finally loses his virginity while falling from a cliff.
2007 - Illegal aliens crossing the US/Mexico border see the Virgin Mary in the Bush Administration's new 10000 volt border fence.