UnNews:Hillary accuses Sanders of "smear"

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out ✪ UnNews ✪ Monday, May 20, 2024, 08:53:59 (UTC)
Hillary accuses Sanders of "smear" UnNews Logo Potato.png

5 February 2016

Hillary denied that tons of cash influenced her decisions, a charge she will continually make against whomever the Republicans nominate.

DURHAM, New Hampshire -- Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton accused opponent Sen. Bernie Sanders of "smearing" her.

The charge, by the socialist who calls herself a "progressive Democrat" against the socialist who has never called himself a Democrat at all, occurred in a debate at the site of a socialist institution that calls itself a university.

As the former Secretary of State, the Senator from neighboring Vermont, and the entire population of the Durham campus do not disagree about the need to get even with the rich after seven years of the Obama Administration doing exactly that, the debate turned to personal attacks. Sanders improbably called the Clinton Family Foundation a thinly veiled scheme to raise campaign funds from foreign powers and monied interests interested in buying favorable decisions from the Department of State and possibly from the inevitable and likable next U.S. President.

Hillary denied this, saying that she offered to give a speech for executives of Goldman Sachs for nothing but a new set of underwear, but they insisted on paying her $675,000. The House of Saud also demanded to lavish wealth on the Foundation for a few pearls of her wisdom, as did Russia just before being gifted one-fifth of America's uranium production. Hillary would not commit to release the transcript of her speeches so that a skeptical nation could decide if they were worth it.

FBI investigations of Hillary's mishandling of spy secrets on a private, non-secure email server above the bidet in her Chappaqua, N.Y. home has reportedly widened into possible influence-peddling by the Foundation. Some reports say over one hundred agents have been assembling particulars for Attorney General Loretta Lynch to use to not file criminal charges.

However, Hillary's claim that Sanders was engaging in an "artful smear" raised the real eyebrows. It marks the first time that the frumpy Sanders has ever been called artful. Fact-checkers from Politico were put on double shifts to determine what might have been artful about it.

Sources[edit]

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Hillary_accuses_Sanders_of_%22smear%22&oldid=6172709"